Marriage, as instituted by God, is a permanent union between a man and woman. As such, choosing a marriage partner should not only be done prayerfully but also in accordance to God’s stipulations. Marriage follows courtship; courtship begins with friendship; friendship begins with acquaintance between two mature persons of the opposite sex. That is the reverse progression. I do not wish to delve into the reasons for getting married here. Instead I will briefly discourse on choosing the right marriage partner.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you”, says Jesus in Matthew 6:33. If you do not know what this means in practice, get in touch with me via the contacts below or go to a good pastor.
First off, you, the seeker must be born again and growing in Christ. Participate in Christian fellowships and activities. In other words, position yourself strategically. Then start relationships with fellow born again Christians. I presume that you have prayed and God has confirmed to you that you have the gift of marriage and not that of celibacy. Do not sin against God by getting married if you know God has, for the sake of ministry, granted you the grace to live a single life. You will not live optimally. You will definitely forfeit His blessings. (See 1 Cor 7)
Never court a non-believer. The Bible likens it to righteousness courting wickedness, light dwelling with darkness, Christ having fellowship with Satan, or God’s temple and idols. (2 Cor 6:14-18) If you disobey God on this one important undertaking, you fall out of favor with Him. You will never be compatible. You will not only compromise your profession, but you will also degenerate into the ungodly lifestyle of your partner. It takes less effort to make water dirty than it takes to make it clean. Come on! You are spiritually alive and he/she is spiritually dead. It does not matter how much of a gentleman/lady they seem to be. Sooner than later you are more likely to smell like him/her than he/she is likely to smell like you! On the other hand, if you both are born again and are growing in grace, then you are compatible, regardless of your family history or temperamental variations.
Marriage prospers only to the extent that the partners are prospering spiritually. What I mean is that the partners must be spiritually alive. Both must be born again and are growing in Christ. You may ask, “Hey, I know thousands of non-Christian couples who are living happily”. To which I will say; it depends on what you are calling happiness. Endless compromises and ceasefires don’t constitute happiness. Besides, if such a close relationship as a marriage doesn’t even remind the partners of their need for fellowship with God, it runs short of God’s purpose for it.
How will you know that he/she is born again? He/she will confess with the mouth. He/she will manifest the fruit of the Spirit. He/she will not only be attending church, but will be serving. You must know the Word of God yourself. Otherwise how will you know whether or not he/she is obeying it? If you are not sure still, examine his/her conduct against Galatians 5:22,23. You may also ask family members or church members to tell you what the testimony of this person is. Do whatever you have to do to avoid hypocrites.
And if he/she professes Christianity and acts as a non-believer, the Bible instructs you to terminate the relationship. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. (1Co 5:11)
Now you know the right thing to do. If you do not do it, you sin against God (James 4:17)